Two senior boys, Travis Price and David Shepherd, had the courage to stand up for someone who was being bullied for wearing a pink shirt. So what did these boys do? They bought several pink shirts to be worn by themselves and others at school to show the bullies their behavior won’t be tolerated.

Tomorrow is Stand Up To Bullying Day. It’s a day meant to bring awareness to everyone about how bullying must be stopped. Support is often shown by wearing a pink shirt. And while participation is not confined soley to school, that’s where you will find the most visible response.

Good for these boys! I can’t stand to see anyone being bullied and to know there are kids out there that had the courage to actually do something about it I think is fantastic.

In addition to watching the video below about these boys, I’m providing you with documents offering tips on what adolescents and elementary students can do to take a stance against bullying. They are originally provided by PREVNet, an organization devoted to taking a stand against bullying.

Here are the documents (you’ll need Adobe Reader to read them):

• Bullied Tip Sheet for Adolescents
• Bullied Tip Sheet for Elementary School Children

This installment has to do with a topic that I’m very sensitive about and feel that every parent should too. That topic is cyberbullying. Very damaging, very real, and it’s something that will only get worse if we don’t stand up against it.

And so, here’s John’s responses:

FWW: I’m sure we’d all agree that cyberbullying is very much a real concern. I’ve read more and more schools are addressing the issue, which for the most part involves setting policies. Should they or could they do more even if such transgressions are made outside the school?

John: Ugh. Cyberbullying is perhaps the most intractable problem we’re currently facing. The schools on their own are at the practical limits of their ability to influence the problem. Sure, more schools could be more vigilant and more aggressive, more structured in their responses, and more tightly coordinated with local law enforcement. But, frankly, that’s not going to solve the problem.

My perspective is that cyberbullying in particular has to be prevented, because it can’t be cured or stopped in mid-stream. And preventing cyberbullying is a matter of community awareness, social responsibility, and social pressure.

Allow me to digress a little: Technology has the consequence of vesting more and more devastating power in the hands of an individual. We’re living that experience in the “adult world” today, whether we reflect on the Unibomber, 9/11 or Columbine High School. Technology empowers the individual. This empowerment isn’t inherently a bad thing, but it does bring a lot of risk. We can’t ignore it. Cyberbullying is in a lot of ways simply an on-line analog of this negative, aggressive, empowered behavior. An individual is empowered to do tremendous damage. How do you stop that? It’s almost an existentialist question. “If you want peace, work for justice (Pope Paul VI).

As a practical matter, we have to educate our kids on the horrible consequences of abusing their peers. It’s not a game.

FWW: Why do you suppose ISPs are slow to respond (if they respond at all) when asked to take down offensive material at the request of cyberbullied victims?

John: I think ISPs are in an untenable position legally and economically. They’re bound to be wrong no matter what they do, and they’re bound to get sued. So they often take the “Mr. Magoo” position of ignoring things for as long as possible, until they are absolutely assured that the action they’re about to take is unassailable. But by then,well, a lot of water is over the dam, and a lot of people are hurt.

Until we have sensible Internet policy, and the associated regulations, the ISPs won’t get the legally-derived protections they need to “act more responsibly”.

FWW: Do you have any suggestions for kids who have fallen victim to cyberbullies or for their parents who suspect this has happened to their child?

John: What I’m about to say may sound extremely provocative, but I think it’s a useful lens through which to view this problem. A victim of cyberbullying is like a victim of rape. Helpless, violated, shamed, exploited, and deeply wounded — what’s the remedy for that? For some people, confronting their abusers (when they can be identified) can be a step toward healing. But cyberbullying (for that matter, any really egregious peer-harassment) leaves a devastating wound, and it builds fear into a kid’s perspective – often permanently. It’s hard to come back out into the world after that kind of abuse, much less face your abuser.

That’s why we have to work as hard as we can to never let cyberbullying take root in our families and our communities.

This concludes the second installment. I’ll be posting the third and final one later this week. Until then, please spend some time to review and perhaps bookmark these resources:

• “I Wish I Could Disappear: A Victim of Cyberbullying
• Hiding Behind the Keyboard
• Stop Cyberbullying Now!
• Real-Life Stories
• Cyberbullying
• McGruff On Cyberbullying

[tags]cyberbullying[/tags]

Frequent readers will know that I’ve spoken out against cyberbullying in many posts here. It simply defies understanding how people — adults and kids alike — can be so cruel to others. We get angry, sure — that’s normal. But to actually go to great lengths to make sure your anger is known and FELT is senseless and cowardly.

Below is a podcast provided by Symantec. It’s an interview with Marian Merritt, their resident expert on things like cyberbullying. It will provide you (perhaps remind you?) tips on how to detect the tell-tale signs of your child being a victim, and encourages you to get involved.

[tags]cyberbullying[/tags]

Letters were sent home with students informing families that if their children are allowed to have a presence on MySpace, that they were not to return to school until that presence was removed.

I imagine that was a tough pill for students to swallow and I hope that parents didn’t try to defend their kid’s right to post to the community.

I’d be interested in learning how school officials will enforce this as kids, being the tech-savvy creatures they are (I mean that in a loving way), will certainly try to beat the system by posting under aliases or writing in such a way to not attract attention.

Of course with any positive attempt there’s sure to be someone who tries to bring their own dark cloud with them to make things not as bright as they would otherwise be. Jerry Herron, a Wayne State University professor of American Studies, believes it is an attempt that will provide only temporary relief. He’s quoted as saying that a predator will find some way of violating a child if they’re determined.

Well, duh! At least acknowledge the fact that this one school is making an attempt of closing one point of access to these kids. Sure it’s not Fort Knox, and kids will surely find a way around it or just congregate on one of the many other online choices available to them. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t try.

This all serves to remind parents that they need to be aware of where their kids go online. Get vaccinated against the “not-my-child” syndrome. Asking where they go online is just as important as asking them where they go offline.

Inspired by Detroit News.

[tags]cyberbullying[/tags]

They all have one thing in common: they loved getting attention. They no doubt felt the euphoria of getting a piece of the spotlight.

With the opportunities the Internet has to offer, these attention-getters are increasing at an alarming rate. And they’re still doing it at the expense of others. It’s called “cyberbullying”, and its effects are quite possibly more painful than the physical kind and are definitely longer lasting because of the viral aspects it has when performed online.

Places like YouTube and MySpace offer a way for anyone to post video clips or photos of their targets. Say a couple of teenagers whip out their video-enabled cell phones and begin recording a school fight. That makes excellent fodder for their Web site because they know their friends will come visit, view it, and have a laugh. When you throw in the rest of the world viewers coming to see it and even rating it, what you have is positive reinforcement for these teens to do it again. It’s a vicious circle.

In fact, not long ago it was reported that just such a thing happened in North Babylon. A girl was to meet up with another girl, but found out it was a setup when three girls met her and proceeded to beat her up. And a wannabe teen cameraman was there to record it for a future audience. The video managed to find its way to the Web where people could view at their leisure.

I wonder how many other teens were inspired to choreograph something like that for someone they didn’t like at school. How many victims did this first video actually claim? Fortunately, arrests were made. Maybe they’ll learn their lesson.

And speaking of damaging behavior, there has been a growing trend among teenagers to destroy property for fun — and be stupid enough to record themselves doing it. (There was a time when I remember the fear of being caught doing something wrong was actually a strong deterrent from doing it. Anyone else remember those days?) True, this has less to do with bullying others, and more to do with just getting a little fame, but still damaging behavior, nonetheless.

One such activity is “fence plowing“, where a few kids take a running start toward a wooden fence, thus plowing it to the ground.

These are the minds that will one day being running the country. Brilliant.

The same online stardom awaits them. “Post it and they will come,” is the voice that whispers to them.

Parents have to get involved if there is any hope of getting children back on the right path. That means they have to become familiar with their online activities and setting ground rules. Determine what sites they can and cannot visit. Install parental control software to enforce those rules. Check the history being recorded by the software to actually see where there kids are going online.

Their offline activities are equally important. I’m the first one to admit that getting your kid to talk about personal things is hard work. There’s always the struggle of the child not wanting to admit they need help because they’re developing their independence. And parents find it hard to communicate for fear of not knowing the answers to their child’s problem. But just like anything else worth doing, it will get easier over time for both parent and child.

If parents and kids started acting more responsibly together, the result, in my opinion, would be time spent on things that meant something. There’s no value in harming someone else or hurling yourself against a fence.

[tags]cyberbullying,parenting[/tags]

Netsmartz is site that offers information about all sorts of topics related to Internet safety. As I was browsing their site I came across video clips describing real life stories of victims of cyberbullying. In their own words, these victims tell of the horror they lived and explain how they felt so helpless.

Back to the story: she had given her password to her best friend, who then gave it to a group of popular girls in school. The hope of being accepted by this group was motivation enough to betray a dear friend.

After logging into her account, these girls sent emails containing a nude picture of their victim — only it wasn’t her. These girls had manipulated an image downloaded from a porn site and put her head on it. Sad: they know more about Photoshop than how treat others with respect.

Think about this for a minute. Can you even imagine the humiliation she must have felt when she went to school the next day? What if this was your daughter or son? All the staring going on must have been unbearable.

This isn’t something that can go away with a simple, “Oh, it really wasn’t me.” No, once it’s out on the Web, it spreads like wildfire to anyone and everyone. And it serves to inspire others to do even more damaging behavior. Sickening.

Cyberbullying is about power; it’s about feeling in control. The Internet offers anonymity like never before, and bullies find that extremely attractive. Because they can inflict harm to others without showing their face, they feel empowered to do or say things they would never dream of doing.

Parents – what can you learn from this?

• Communication between you and your child, though tough at times, is critical. This is important no matter what side of the issue you’re on: victim or victimizer. Talk to them.
• Get to know where your kids are going online and set boundaries like where they can and cannot go, or time limits for how long they can be online.
• Has your child suddenly become silent, seemed removed? Even if cyberbullying is not the case, this is a sign that parents often overlook. Go for a walk, get some ice cream — whatever, just get involved.
• Teens and adults should never give their password to anyone especially for things like email.
• If your child does receive offensive messages, or finds that their identity has been compromised, save what information you can to be used as evidence later.
• Don’t reply to offensive emails!

Nowadays, with the electronic tools that they have, that feeling of power still exists, but it’s not so easy to know who not to make mad. Kids still know, but the circle of kids who are “in the know” may not be so out in the open.

Why is that? Because the bully doesn’t have to go to the trouble of inflicting pain on their victim in person anymore. The keyboard has become their weapon of choice, and its ammo is carried silently through to the Internet for all the world to see. And when it hits its target, the injury it causes can last a lifetime.

It sounds funny to say, but bullying before the Internet seems to pale in comparison to today’s version of electronic voodoo. At least there was a chance the bully might have some shred of decency to stop what they were doing when they saw what it did to their victim. It was a visible act that other’s would see, and so might offer the opportunity for someone to stand up and say “STOP!”

But now, it’s out of sight and out of mind, and that’s the attraction bullies find. Nobody but a few of their cohorts would know what was going on behind the keyboard. Unfortunately, the victim is just as isolated. Oftentimes, tragic results occur before anyone knows what the victim is going through. They either lash out at their abusers while taking others down with them, or perhaps they take their own life…maybe both.

In a world of immediate gratification, self-centeredness, absent or twisted morals, and thin-skinned tolerance, is it any wonder why we have so many confused kids?

Get to know your child. Don’t wait. Use the upcoming holidays as an opportunity to reconnect with them. You could be putting the life of a tormentor back on track, or saving the life of the tormented.

Yes, the ever innovative computer hackers have found yet another way to suck the joy out of your life all while making a profit! Cute little things, aren’t they?

Sad, but true, this is a growing trend in the cyberworld. The hacker has somehow gained access to your files, has managed to encrypt them, and wants to sell you the decryption key. This is no different than them walking into your home, taking what they want and threatening to trash it all if you don’t pay them.

Sort of reminds me of schoolyard bullies demanding your milk money.

The $200 doesn’t sound like a lot. In fact, authorities think it’s deliberately low so as to lessen the chances of law enforcement being brought in. They figure it’ll be too much hassle to go through all that, and you’d decide to hand over the money.

What troubles me, in addition to the hackers already taking advantage of people this way, is what keeps them from making further damage to you? For instance, who’s to say they won’t threaten you again when they need money to pay the rent, or choose to use the information they’ve possibly taken to destroy your credit history?

One such incident involved a user simply visiting a Web site that had been vandalized by hackers. Unfortunately, the user wasn’t using a Web browser with strong defenses, so they became infected. The infection locked up over a dozen file types, and a nice note explaining to the user what they needed to do to unlock the files.

So what can you do to protect yourself at home from this type of attack?

• Install a hardware firewall. You can find lots of great deals over at eBay. Just do a search on wired or wireless routers. You shouldn’t have to spend more than $20-30.
• Install a software firewall. Here are some that are free: Sygate, Kerio, and Zone Alarm
• Make sure you’re running the latest browser software

And what did her now ex-friend do in retaliation? Well, she used Megan’s screen name and sent nasty messages to their circle of friends, of course. Nice, huh?

Where’s the self-restraint these days? All because Megan decided to spend time with her family, this friend decided to ruin Megan’s reputation, take away her friends, and cause her pain. That’s a pretty weak-minded individual, if you ask me.

The article I found didn’t say what happened after it was discovered someone assumed Megan’s online identity. My hope would be that those that alienated her would have shunned the culprit and apologized profusely to Megan for treating her so badly. That would seem to be the logical series of events, IMHO.

The article also speaks of Amanda who was being sexually harrassed by people using screen names she didn’t recognize. Fortunately for her, authorities were able to trace the instant messages back to the senders, and the messages stopped. But Amanda still had to go through the embarrassment of people thinking of her as a promiscuous teen.

Take-away points for safer surfing:

• Encourage your child to come to you if they’re the victims of cyberbullying
• Encourage your child not to send insulting, embarrassing or hateful messages
• Save the offending messages; they could help authorities track down the senders

The technological wonders we have that surround us today, our pagers, PDAs, and cell phones capable of capturing still photographs or even videos are no less susceptible to abuse. Just like fire, they must be used wisely. With every picture taken of a smiling child that’s sent to mom on her cell phone, there’s another one sent to a buddy that shows a violent or lewd act, IMHO.

You see, when a kid is put to the test in front of his or her peers, the desire to win is a very strong one. You could say that the fear of failing in front of them is really more of what it’s about. Reflecting upon my younger days, I can personally attest to that. Really, who wants to be seen as a coward? Unfortunately, some kids lack the wisdom to choose the correct path and ultimately take the one that leads to pain and suffering. It’s my opinion that’s what happened with these kids in the article.

Statistics have shown that crowds tend to increase the likelihood of a violent act will become more violent (according to the article). Not only were the peers in attendance cheering them on, but when you add the fact that they were being recorded, emotions can escalate to a fever pitch. You might call it a “show-off syndrome”. But what really gets me is that if this happened 10 or 15 years ago, you’d probably have kids scattering to find a hiding place to avoid being seen in the video. What’s wrong with these kids today?

Are we not teaching them the difference between right and wrong? Are we not setting the proper example? I’m not saying the kids should not have recorded it, I’m saying the kids should not have gotten into a fight to begin with. The fact that they used available technology to show countless others on the Internet a violent act at all only goes to show the low standards they place on themselves.

If there is a silver lining out of all of this, at least with the act being recorded, it’ll come in handy in court.

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