Does the Golden Rule Not Apply to E-mail?
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Let’s say you’re walking to your car having just purchased two armfuls worth of groceries. In fact, they’re so full something falls out of the top of one of the bags. You think to yourself that it would be so much easier if that person coming toward you would just kneel down and pick it up for you. So you ask for his help. He’s not interested in helping you, and so walks on.
How would that make you feel?
Now picture yourself at the public library. You’re having trouble finding a book, so you ask the librarian for her help. She briefly glances up to you, pauses, then brings her gaze back down to the paperwork she was tending to.
How would that make you feel? Okay, so let’s switch places.
A co-worker e-mails you for help with a report he’s putting together. His deadline is tomorrow and you have the time to help him, but it’s a nice day and you were thinking of taking the rest of the day off. So what if you don’t get back to him until you return, right?
How would that make him feel?
So maybe you’re justified in taking the day off and maybe you’re not truly obligated to help your co-worker with his report. That’s fine, but is it all right to just ignore the guy? Put yourself in his shoes. Wouldn’t a response saying that you’d love to, but already have plans be better than just shutting down your computer and walking off?
Sadly, I believe this sort of thing happens all too often. Somewhere along the way society has decided it’s rude to ignore someone in person (okay, sometimes that does happen anyway, but work with me), but when someone e-mails you it’s acceptable to let it sit in your inbox indefinitely. Not everything demands an immediate response, but that’s not what I’m talking about here.
Now that doesn’t mean I sometimes don’t want to ignore someone because there are times when I’ve exhausted my communication skills and patience. Nor does it mean I’ll answer every e-mail I get that sells me something. There are times when it is acceptable to ignore or deliberately delay your response to some messages.
What I’m suggesting is to consider the Golden Rule when determining your response. In most cases, ignoring somebody’s e-mail is no different than ignoring the person next to you who asks you what time it is.
Acknowledging that someone exists can be just as a powerful as ignoring someone. So the next time you get an e-mail asking for help, treat it as though that person is standing right next to you.
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I never thought about it that way. I guess we all get caught up in ourselves from time to time. It’s hard to imagine that anybody else could be busier than me, but when you consider we all have the basic need to communicate and feel like we belong, then things sort of even out.
Thanks for the tip, Ken! Love your site!